Struggles~

off-balance~

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It is a lovely start to the weekend ahead. Sunshine, birdsong, and the bobbing heads of yellow daffodils in my front yard. I am strangely at peace today, although yesterday was the dreaded day of goodbyes.

It is difficult to say goodbye to those I love, and when it is my children~ I ache. I know, in the depths of my logical mind, that this is understandable, and common. I make deals with myself, to get through it all. I make deals~Deals with the traveling child to stay in touch, Deals with myself to keep tears at bay, Deals with the Universe that I will do whatever I need in order to not fall apart. Lots of Deals. Lots of talking to myself.

As the plane lifted off, and I headed back home yesterday, I felt the pang and weight of the emptiness again. The drive is painful, the arrival at the quiet home agonizing. It just takes time, to resettle back into the acceptance that my home is no longer filled with their voices daily. Oh, this idea of empty-nesting being the beginning of something new and satisfying just seems insane to me. I am, in a short clear word, SAD.

It lingers, usually. This feeling of fragile loneliness. My husband wishes to make it better, strives to lighten my mood. But, I can’t shake it..for days sometimes.

I have five children..all grown. Two live in faraway states, and we try to get them home often, or travel to visit them. My oldest three live close by. I cling to this. And soon, after a few days of slow acclimation to my once-again quiet life, I am usually better.

This time, I am recovering a bit faster. I know she will return in three months time. A blink of an eye. We promise to text often, check in on our writing challenges, and meet-up on face-time during workouts at our gyms. My other daughter comes to my rescue, soothing my ache with humor and her hugs. My husband promises a date night. One son invites us to a BBQ tomorrow afternoon. An afternoon celebrating a grandson’s birthday…

This morning I awoke with optimism. Although I face a backlog of schoolwork to get done, and many pages of writing to do…I am at peace. It still zings my heart when I think of missing her, I know she will be back in my realm very very soon…and I can fill my days with my own passions until then…I shall stay steady and strong as we maneuver through this new realty of being just a couple now. Looking ahead at our dreams..focusing on my goals: fitness, health, finishing novels, and moving to the coast of Florida.

April 8, 2016…It will be okay. Hurry up, July!

 

 

 

 

 

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