Shaken. Stirred. Smothered. It has been a bit of a noodle; this month of March. Wait. Add in February, too. Year in, Year out, these months test me. Weird situations occur, that I handle in ways I later regret. My nerves are edgy. My usual quite amazingly wise and stoic tolerance becomes irrationally depleted. I grump. I grumble. I rail at the world.

Cabin fever was the excuse, in the past. Yanked tight against the winter~ I, as one who seeks light and warmth of sunshine, rebels. But now, living in a land of perpetual sunshine, thank ye gods, this feeling SHOULD have been eliminated.

Seriously, how can this be? Yet, February brought the familiar restless. Unsatisfied restlessness. There is history. This month brings bad choices. Bad haircuts, regretful hair dye jobs, senseless noshing of processed foods, drink, horror movies. Stupid shopping mistakes. Strong self-pity.

My family know this. Expects this. Or did. Now, they speak in hushed tones,

            “why, is she still in the black vortex? February is over! It is March, for crying-out-loud! We get her to Florida, and what the…?”

Yet, here I am again, struggling against the demon of February with March on my calendar! This requires some sort of intervention.

Shaken from recent stretch of tension between me and the spousal unit, I had devised a deliberate plan. If I could see through the moment of mood….my tumbling, stormy emotions that rise up fiercely this time of year…and just pause…long enough to breath deeply …twice, thrice, 30 times…and smile. Wait it out until my inner twitching stopped.

Jokes. Keep the grins. Try to steady up, smile, and keep on going.

And as with all best-laid plans; a smothering smack-down. A loss of a beloved pet. Knocked sideways, and down. Same day, our dear friend rushed to emergency, surgery, fear. Again, tilted, tumbled. Crushing emotions. Smack-down.

Smiling until my cheeks burned. Nails digging in palms. Breathing like a steam engine.

Good news from surgery. Peace. Another day marked off the calendar.

While February is my own tribulation, March was an unexpected trial. My search for spring release, from whatever this was, felt exhausting. February is over, soon I will flip my calendar to hide March. I see the light, though! April. Blessed April.

I have not cut my hair into some radical (often scary) design, nor colored my hair a indescribable, strange shade. While my finances are still in the toilet, I haven’t been shopping since the holidays. I have purged the fridge, and spring-cleaned the pantry of undesirables. Mistakes will happen, bad choices, maybe. Yet, endurance won!

The sun is bold today, filling my room with energetic light. Playful dogs are beckoning me outdoors. Birdsong, new and sweetly intense, lifts my spirit. Seasonal intervention.

Spring. Finally.

~HPen~