“Begin to be now what you will be hereafter”

                                                                                    ~William James

Habits. Choices. Perspectives. ……..Excuses.

There is a list in my head, that flops out easily when I realize I haven’t written in days. It is filled with reasons I tell myself as I walk a wide berth around my desk as if proximity will change anything. I try to explain this. The neglect, the avoidance, the fear. Yet, this list is all just excuses highlighted by bad habits chosen from a perspective of self-doubt.

I need to write. And I do write. Daily. Fueled by creative energy, or professional need, but not structured or focused on my manuscripts, as I should be. As I want to be.

This week has changed everything. Nothing deeply traumatic, nothing slightly dramatic even. What I have had is: enough. Enough of my excuses. Enough of my silly avoidance. Enough of taking the long way around my house, to avoid that room…the one with the desk.

And this does not end there. My own particular brand of self-sabotage includes my exercise dread, my yoga practice dodge, and the hideous habit of eating junk which doesn’t serve or nurture. I have been a blob.

The reason-excuse contains enormous lifestyle changes in moving across the country in our golden years, leaving all we knew behind at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. It also is underlined by having to return to full-time work at a job I rather detest. The amount of self-pity I have allowed myself is astonishing. And has been crippling.

What happened this week? Couple of things. A trip to the bookstore and a mirror in a dressing room. Do I need to say more? Some things just slap you in the face, and with the sting of a rapidly-arriving birthday yet again…I have taken stock, friends. That old me is being replaced by a new version. I have had quite ENOUGH of this.

Plans? Glad you asked. This is my own challenge. I love challenges and I love planning.

This challenge: My own 90-Day Obstacle Path to a Reboot of my life.

This month was a turn-around. I have begun going to our gym (it is still rather dreadful, but getting less so each time. I am inspired by my grown kids). I have dusted off the yoga mat, and hit the floor again, finding peace and comfort in my familiar practice. I have also committed to my diet structure again, using a formula that worked beautifully for me three years ago and will guide me to that 20# loss my body needs.

I have also set my writer’s schedule to get my first draft finished, and then edited before the end of the year. Tonight, I write this blog again. To stay accountable. Beginning on September 1, I have now kept strong on my commitments to date. And I feel rather proud of myself, to be quite honest. So, I will write, and update you weekly on how it goes, how I do, and what excuses pop up. I am quite sure they will, and I am a bit worried that I will be able to outwit them. Tomorrow, I am posting my vision of my life as a successful author that lives her life in calm simplicity and graceful slimness near the Florida coastline. This will be my intention each morning.

Wish me luck!

~HPen