It is unfair to feel lonesome when the weather finally turns so flippin’ lovely.
It does not help that my love of writing seems to have become absent in the desire bucket.
It is dreadful when this happens, because then I get to add on that delightful bit of guilt to the already burdened soul. I do not understand why this sense of emptiness is sitting so hard on my spirit. OH, wait I DO know why I felt like crying~
This has gone on for two weeks, this stagnation. (witness = no posts). Each evening, I promise to 1. write 2. edit novel. 3. yoga. 4. eat clean the next day. Zip, nada, loser tally.
When last weekend approached, I was finally feeling excited over a visit with our kids~ a little bbq to celebrate the summer’s arrival. And wouldn’t you know it, THAT was sideswiped just as if a Mack truck barreled through it. Husband and I get into a tiff, (HIS fault, I swear) on Thurs night. He goes into silent mode, when we get our communication system twisted. And he literally didn’t speak to me again, until Sunday night. This little battle was over scheduling to be able to BE at the family bbq. In the end, the event was cancelled, (I prefer to say : postponed), but feelings were bent as the plans were scratched. It was not a good Saturday.
However, today…I awoke feeling completely calm. I have no reason, other than the drama of the weekend was bad enough that perhaps time has given a spot of relief. Perhaps I am just tired of it all. STRESSFUL weekend, to end a stressful week, and we haven’t even begun to pack or move yet. ….does not bode well…
But today…..Today, I worked on my novel editing…through a rather rocky patch. I got my hands on my yoga mat, and did a L-O-N-G practice (which I have neglected for way, way too long)…and I wrote words down, on paper…by hand. Over and Over.
Oh, and did a decent dinner too…Today, I rocked it. Feel more like myself. Less like an empty bucket.
So, this Monday, this day …begins a new chapter for me. I intend to comfort myself with doing what I love: yoga and writing…and become more patient….and to choose how to react to emotional rubbish from the male side of this marriage!
And tomorrow, I am calling my kids!
2 thoughts on “Filling the bucket~”
I hope you had a lovely conversation with your kids.
It must be in the air, or the alignment of the planets – Mars is really close – or something. My writing has also been nonexistent. Today a blog post and a final draft of a short story. The universe is apparently ready for more writing!